Steps Read online

  Both of us have our reasons for wanting Rose to stay. I know what mine are, but Anton’s aren’t quite clear yet. That’s a conversation for later. I look across the table at him. He’s talking to her about Erik and the support he gets from us all, and whilst it’s all true, Anton’s motives for telling her are shady as fuck. At least I’m honest about why I want her.

  I may be a fucking arsehole, but I don’t hide that fact.

  Yes, I want to bury my cock inside her warmth. I want to fuck her until nothing else exists apart from our release. I want to redden every inch of her skin with my mark. I want to bruise her heart and her soul. I want to take everything she can give and then when she’s satiated, I want to take even more.

  I want to own her.

  I want it all.

  I don’t hide that fact. I never have with any of the women I’ve fucked.

  Anton is telling her what she wants to hear. I tell her what she doesn’t, or maybe she does, but she’s not willing to admit that to herself.

  Yet.

  Rose glances at me, her green eyes tearing at my fucking skin. Her presence is like two hands wrapping around my throat squeezing the life from me. I’ve never wanted anyone as much as her.

  She’s fucking bewitched me.

  Rose has turned my head unlike any other, even Svetlana. This woman is a fucking mystery and I want to delve into her depths and never come up for air. I want her so bad I can barely breathe. I want to devour her and make her mine. I want everything she can give, and more.

  “Rose, you okay?” Anton questions.

  Rose smiles at Anton, and my fucking stomach curdles. He can’t fucking have her.

  My fist crashes against the table making Rose jump.

  “What?” she accuses.

  I find myself growling from between my teeth. “He can’t fucking have you,” I seethe, unable to stop myself.

  Anton’s head snaps around as he glares at me.

  “Ivan, what the fuck has gotten into you?” he asks innocently.

  It’s been a good few years since I’ve wanted to punch Anton. I love him as much as a man without a heart can, and yet in this moment I want to fucking kill him.

  “Don’t fuck with me, Anton,” I snarl.

  “Stop this. Now!” Rose says, standing.

  “Where are you fucking going?” I demand, standing too.

  Rose narrows her eyes at me and pushes her fingers into my chest. “If you can’t behave, I’m going home, and I won’t return.”

  My nails dig into the flesh of my palms. She isn’t pretending, she means every word.

  “I’m sorry,” I say eventually. This time the apology comes out as a hiss.

  I can’t even look at Anton because I know he’ll be shocked to hear my apology. What is it with this woman and her ability to make me want to say sorry for every shitty thing I’ve ever done? Why the fuck do I feel like she owns me and not the other way around?

  “Please sit back down…” I ask.

  She glares at me and though her cheeks are flushed, it’s not with anger, but with lust.

  I fucking feel it.

  The chemistry between us is so intense I can barely concentrate. Anton observes us both and for the first time in my life I find that I can’t read him. What’s he up to?

  “Please, Rose,” I repeat.

  “Fine.” Rose sits back down and returns her gaze to Anton.

  “Tell me what you meant when you said Erik hasn’t allowed a woman to touch him in two years.”

  Anton shifts uncomfortably in his seat. I can see he’s trying to figure out a way to tell her what she needs to hear without giving her the complete truth. At this point in time it’s better he tells her this truth than reveal the one that we’re all intent on hiding.

  “Erik dislikes physical contact,” Anton says, looking over at me.

  “I gathered that, but you implied that a woman’s touch, specifically, is what he dislikes. Yet, he allowed me to touch him. Why?”

  Anton glances at me once more, and I shrug. “You may as well tell Rose. If she’s going to work here, she needs all the facts.”

  Rose waits.

  Anton lets out a long sigh. “Erik was captured and tortured on a routine reconnaissance mission in a remote village in Afghanistan. The rest of his squad were either killed when they were ambushed or murdered during their own interrogations. He was the only one to survive.”

  “What happened to him?”

  “We don’t know all the specifics, because it’s been too traumatic for Erik to recount the details. What we do know for certain is that Erik was tortured by a woman. The scars he bears physically are bad enough, but the ones he holds inside are far, far worse.”

  “He was tortured by a woman?!”

  “Yes. From what we’ve gathered she was particularly cruel, in every way imaginable.

  “I’m sorry.” Rose lifts the glass of wine to her lips and drinks it in one long gulp.

  “You don’t need to apologise, this isn’t your doing. But you understand now why it’s important to me that you stay. Erik is my friend and for just a second back there I saw the person he was before that bitch broke him.”

  “I can’t fix him. I can’t fix anyone,” Rose mumbles. She glances up at me, those secrets I’m desperate to unravel flashing behind her eyes, taunting me.

  “I’m not asking you to. I’m asking you to take the job, spend some time with Erik whilst you’re here, with one of us accompanying you, just in case…”

  “You want me to spend time with Erik?” She looks across at me, her brows pulling together.

  “Ivan?” Anton asks me. I know what he’s asking and I fucking hate him for it.

  Rose is mine.

  I don’t answer right away, mostly because the word ‘no’ sits heavily on my tongue. Yet, I’d seen how Erik was with her. I’ve seen how he’s suffered over the years and despite my selfish need to keep her to myself, I find myself nodding my head.

  “Rose,” I say, turning to look at her. “We’d appreciate it if you would at least try. I can give up an hour of your time every day. Of course, that all still depends on whether you want to take the job or not.”

  Rose looks between us both, her hands are still clutched around the glass as she considers our request.

  “Thank you for explaining everything to me, Anton. I appreciate your honesty,” Rose says, eventually.

  “You’re welcome,” Anton responds with a genuine smile. “Part of the reason I’m glad you’ve stayed is because of Erik’s positive reaction to you. It’s a huge thing. The other part is because, for the first time in two years, I’ve witnessed a change in Ivan. His apologies are rarer than a red diamond.”

  “Red diamonds exist?” Rose asks, bemused by the reference.

  “Yes, they’re the rarest diamond in the world and like you, incredibly alluring,” he replies with a low voice.

  The heat in the room has just risen a notch, and this time it’s Anton who’s causing it. I squeeze my hand into a tight fist.

  What. The. Fuck.

  He really needs to stop looking at her like that. She really needs to stop looking back at him in the same way. I’ve never felt more on edge.

  Ready to fight. Ready to bolt. Ready to fuck.

  What is she doing to me? What is Anton doing?

  I watch as a flush moves up her chest and neck and not for the first time this evening I fantasise about swiping my arm across the table and fucking her against it. I imagine her cheek pressed into the white linen whilst I press a hand between her shoulders forcing her flat against the hardwood, my cock filling her.

  “Fuck,” I say out loud, shifting uncomfortably in my seat.

  “You alright, Ivan?” Anton asks, cocking an eyebrow.

  He knows full well I’m not fucking alright. He knows I’ve had blue balls for the last four days despite the women I’ve taken to try and relieve the tension.

  “I would be if you stopped fucking with Rose,” I say.


  Anton laughs. His smile tells me he’s not at all bothered by my accusation, but the tightness of his shoulders and the side look he gives me as Rose turns her gaze away from him tells me otherwise. She looks at me, her eyes narrowing before turning back to Anton.

  “Are you fucking with me, Anton?” Rose asks outright.

  “No,” he lies.

  “Anton!” I warn.

  “Rose is our guest here tonight. She’s asked me questions about Erik, which I’ve answered honestly,” he says to me before turning his attention back to Rose.

  “I’m not talking about that. I believed what you said about Erik,” she responds.

  I watch as she places the palms of her hands flat on the table. She leans forward towards Anton. Her hands sliding across the table, so that they’re within reach of his. I’m unable to take my eyes off the glimpse of breast I see as her shirt falls forward slightly. Beneath she wears a matching red lace bra.

  “Anton, are you fucking with me?” she repeats.

  “I’m not fucking with you, Rose.”

  On the table his forefinger and thumb are pinched together and moving as though he’s holding a pencil and is outlining a new painting. Rose doesn’t appear to notice his hand movements, but I know him well enough to know that Rose has sparked the muse within him. I’ve seen his paintings and through them I’ve seen into the deepest pits of his soul.

  Clenching my jaw, I try to control the possessiveness I already feel for Rose. If he thinks he can fucking have her, then he’s got another thing coming.

  I don’t give a shit.

  Erik I can cope with, just. Not Anton, not him.

  She’s mine.

  The look Rose gives Anton slices into my skin as jealousy rises within me. I watch as she takes in his features as much as he memorises hers, then nods her head.

  “I guess only time will tell,” she says, neither confirming nor denying outright that she believes him.

  “It’s only fair you know everything about Erik, about us. Working here won’t be easy,” he says looking at me, daring me to deny it.

  “I still haven’t decided whether I’m going to take the job,” Rose says.

  She looks between Anton and I, taking her measure of us both. She’s not foolish and I respect that. The thought that she could still walk away has me biting on the inside of my cheek. The metallic taste of blood fills my mouth and I reach for my glass of wine, swallowing back a mouthful.

  “What can we do to reassure you?” Anton asks.

  I laugh at that, so does Rose. I catch her eye, and a look of understanding passes between us. Smiling inside, I realise she’s not fooled by Anton. She sees the danger he presents, just as she sees it in me. I wouldn’t be surprised if she sensed it in Erik too. Something about her innate ability to see into us, me, has my cock stirring and my balls tightening.

  Rose is looking into the eye of the demon, she can see the darkness, and still she remains.

  As she gazes between us both I realise one fact. To be able to sense the darkness, the danger, you have to hold it inside as well. Just like a tightly budding rose, the very core of her, the truth in her heart, is protected by layers of petals.

  And by god, I want to peel them back one by one, because I’m certain that right at her core is a person not so dissimilar to my own dark soul.

  Rose leans back in her chair before twisting her body to face me, her fingertips gently pulling at the cuff of her silk blouse. She hesitates a moment, before she looks up, locking eyes with mine. I read a thousand emotions in the depths of them. Some of them scare me, some thrill me, others make me want to pull her into my arms and fuck her here with Anton watching.

  “Tell me about the red silk…” she says, her voice no more than a whisper now.

  Beneath the surface, I hear the unmistakable sound of desire lacing her words, but more than that, I sense the power she holds, and it takes everything in me not to pull her into my arms and kiss that beautiful mouth of hers.

  I don’t kiss, ever. It’s too personal. Yet, I’m willing to cast that rule aside so I can kiss her until my lips are bruised and my heart has bled out.

  Out of the corner of my eye I see Anton’s mouth drop open, his eyes darkening with unmistakable lust.

  There it is.

  That’s what Anton has been trying to hide from Rose. He wants to fuck her as much as I do and we both know what happens when he becomes obsessed with a woman. His past is littered with a trail of shattered hearts just as much as mine. The only difference is that I paint their hearts with pain whilst he captures it on a canvas.

  The room descends into a silence so thick with electricity that neither of us are able to utter a word. We both watch as Rose lifts her finger to the corner of her mouth pulling at her lip in a gesture so erotic I must grip hold of the seat to prevent me from launching at her. Anton shifts forward, his fingers stilling as his eyes take in the provocative gesture, committing it to memory. At first, it appears to be an innocent gesture, that she’s unaware of how sensual, how fucking sexy she is, then Rose smiles languidly and there’s no doubt in my mind that she’s very aware of the power she has over us both. Her knowing green eyes survey Anton then me, and I begin to question just who the predator and who the prey really is.

  “Tell me everything,” she repeats softly.

  And if Erik hadn’t run into the room covered in blood, I would’ve done just that.

  Chapter Thirteen

  Rose

  The ragged thump of my pulse beats in my neck as I gaze at the men before me. Something in the room has changed, or maybe something in me has. I’m not sure at what point it happened.

  Either way, the Rose of old, the one I’ve buried deep inside begins to bloom. I can feel myself unfurling, unravelling under their scrutiny. I’ve spent so long hiding her away, burying her within that I almost forgot what it was like to be her.

  I’ve been ashamed of her. Ashamed of the need I hold inside.

  Over the years I’ve trained myself to ignore the impulses I felt, so I danced to express myself instead, to have an outlet. This past year that outlet has diminished with every ache and pain. The memories have been creeping back in and with it the darkness. Maybe that person I’ve tried to bury inside has been unravelling ever since I stopped dancing professionally and that tonight, for some reason, she’s finally found a way to appear.

  Surrounded by these men, I feel those protective layers strip away. I feel free.

  Lifting my fingertip to the corner of my mouth, I pull at my lower lip. I’m not sure what in that moment makes me do it, but the effect is immediate.

  Intoxicating.

  Both Ivan and Anton react to that simple touch, and a swell of heat pools low in my belly. Anton’s pupils enlarge, his fingers stilling on the table. Ivan grips the seat of his chair, his body shaking with repressed lust.

  I haven’t felt this powerful for a very long time.

  The flash of red at my wrist reminds me of that piece of silk I’d held in my hands and the smell of sex drifting into the air. It reminds me of similar binds that had tied me to a man I’ve spent so long trying to forget.

  Here, right now in this moment, I’m not disgusted by it, I’m turned on. So turned on that if Ivan were to pull me against him, I wouldn’t be able to resist. I would welcome his touch, I would endure the pain I hold inside just so I could have him.

  Maybe, just maybe, I’d let it out.

  But it isn’t just Ivan that is making me release the mental binds that have held me together all these years, it’s Anton too. His gaze rakes over me and I squirm under the intensity of it. To be studied like this, like I’m the only living soul in the universe… It’s a heady aphrodisiac. The more I sit here in their company the more I’m aware of the layers protecting the person I’ve been running from, disintegrate.

  How can these men have such a potent effect on me? But it isn’t just Anton and Ivan, it’s Erik too… his tortured soul is like a beacon, one that I find very hard to r
esist.

  “Tell me everything,” I repeat.

  Ivan’s mouth pops open, the story I need to hear just a whisper away.

  Then the door slams open and Erik rushes in covered in blood.

  In his hand is a knife.

  The second it takes for Anton and Ivan to rush to their feet, the cage snaps back into place, locking down the blooming flower within me. Everything seems to slow down as Erik looks wildly about the room. He may be physically here with us, but mentally he’s somewhere far, far away.

  I should be afraid.

  I should be afraid for my life like any normal human being would be in this instance. But how can I be frightened of such cruel beauty? I wasn’t with Roman, and I’m not with these men.

  You revel in the darkness, that’s why.

  “Fuck!” Ivan snaps, yanking me to my feet as time seems to speed up once more.

  I’m not able to get a word out as he hauls me against his chest and forces me back away from Erik. He practically lifts me from the floor, my toes barely touching the ground. The moment my back hits the wall, he grasps my face in his hands.

  “Don’t say a word,” he warns me, his voice low, soft. “Let Anton and I deal with this.”

  I nod my head as Ivan’s fingers slide into my hair, curling around the strands. The heat of his palms warms my skin and despite the very real danger from Erik, I’m more turned on than I’ve ever been in my life.

  Ivan leans over me, pressing his body against mine. I can feel his arousal thick and hard against my stomach.

  Despite the danger, he’s turned on too.

  His eyes darken, the pupils enlarging as his mouth hovers over my lips. For a moment I think he’s going to kiss me. Instead, he steps back slightly as his fingers tug on my hair, pulling my head back so that my face is tilted upwards towards him.

  “He won’t hurt you as long as you remain quiet. Stay here and don’t move.”

  Letting me go, Ivan turns on his heel and walks slowly towards his friends. Anton has his palms held up in a submissive gesture as he stands before Erik.

  Erik is shaking violently, the blunt knife clutched in his hand. There’s a wild look about him but instead of being afraid, I feel nothing but the very real need to go to him. To soothe his pain, his fear, to absorb it as my own.